The Greatest Place on Earth: The Netherlands

The people of the Netherlands were great engineers confronted by threatening seas. They built dykes to keep the water out of their country. Water felt insulted by this, and sent a delegation of raindrops to complain.

"We are water. We feel rebuked. Remove those dykes."

"No. We don't want to be flooded. We don't want to drown. We can't farm our land if it's under water."

"Please."

"No."

"Very well then. We didn't want to threaten you but you leave us no choice. Did you know," said the raindrops, frowning, "that the human body is ninety per cent water?"

"That seems like a lot."

"Or eighty or sixty, or something like that, we don't remember exactly," water said in a nettled way, "but our point is that you can't live without us. If you don't remove those dykes, we will remove ourselves from your bodies."

The people did not like being threatened. "We will not give in, you bullies."

"Very well. From dawn tomorrow onwards the people of this country will have no water in their bodies. Think about it." The raindrops withdrew.

The people gathered together to debate strategy. "What are we going to do? We can't live without water in our bodies."

"Who says it has to be water? Any liquid will do. Why should water be so special?"

"You're right. What can we use as a substitute?"

"Oil."

"No, nice idea but if we're full of oil we'll explode every time we go near fires."

"Milk."

That sounded like the solution until someone at the back raised her hand and said apologetically, "I'm lactose intolerent."

"What do you suggest then?" the elder stateman asked her.

"Red cordial?"

Undiluted red cordial was the obvious answer. It did not contain any substance found in nature and therefore no delegations of raindrops or rocks or any other nature-oriented thing could ever be sent to protest against their use of it. So they replaced all of the water in their bodies with red cordial.

Immediately ever the entire population was fiercely energised and did everything ever conceived. The Netherlands became the greatest place on Earth.