The Arabs invented dog-walking. Before the Arabs, everyone swam their dogs. Then the Arabs said, "Dogs! Get up and walk!" It was like Lazarus. "Dogs! Throw away your mattresses!" The dogs threw away their dog beds, up in the air, and there was an eclipse of dog beds that lasted for thirty days. The dogs got up and walked. Then in the darkness packs of wolves roamed the earth, eating people. The people said, "God! Help us!" and God said, "I'd like to but there's all these dog beds in the way."
These facts have been omitted from the bible. More on that later.
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