The Ancient Romans wore white tablecloths. Sometimes they would wake up to find strangers arranging knives, forks and spoons on their stomachs.
"Stop that!"
"Lie still, we want to have dinner. We are having guests over."
The woken Roman urgently absorbed the souls of the utensils so that they were physically present but unable to fulfil their roles.
It was an age of spiritless cutlery.
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