The Story of the Woodlouse

"Objects with wheels will make America great," said Henry Ford. "Fast-moving objects with wheels."

America listened. There was a frenzy of wheels. They put wheels on everything, even the trees. Trees whizzed up and down the mountains. Elms went fastest. Whole forests drove themselves down to Florida when they began feeling old.

"We're retired," they said. "Animals, birds, insects -- get out. Time to leave the nest. Go to college or something. Get a job."

The first animal to enter Harvard was a squirrel.

The first animal graduate to run for public office was a raccoon.

The first non-human president was a bald eagle. The eagle's detractors said that he had been chosen merely because he was photogenic.

They said, "The woodlouse didn't stand a chance."

They added, "Even though he had a better economic policy."